AUGUST 31, 2007 @ 2:42 pm – SB 405 Fwy at Cherry Ave Exit Ramp in Long Beach.

Damn it's been hot here in the LA area. For the most part, the Highway A-holes have been keeping to themselves. I'd like to think that all LA drivers read this blog and think more than twice when they are about to make stupid decisions.

But this heat wave is finally starting to take a toll on drivers. Today on the SB 405 at the Cherry Ave off-ramp collector, there were not one but two A-holes.

One car, a 2006 Chevy HHR mini SUV, was driving very slowly - like 5 MPH or less, in the right lane as the Cherry Ave collector started. I wasn't getting off the freeway, so I was in the second lane from the right driving a respectable 55 MPH in the early Holiday get-outta-town traffic, but just as I approached the collector lane where the HHR was, traffic slowed down abruptly to about 10 MPH.

As I was passing the even slower HHR, I heard a loud truck horn blast next to me. There was a massive off-yellow and orange-brown cement truck with western motif graphics painted on its mixer drum and cab doors right up to the bumper of the HHR. When the driver of the HHR heard the horn, the woman driving stopped her HHR cold in the middle of the collector with no trafic ahead of her. As I continued past I caught a glimpse of her staring in her rear view mirror back at the cement mixer truck while she was at a total stand still.

As I continued on, she continued to remain steadfast in her position. I don't believe she had any mechanical problems (even though she was driving a Chevy, but I digress) but I think she was just pissed someone had the nerve to honk at her, or she was trying to back off the collector to get back on the freeway... an even more bonehead to try as a Highway A-hole.

Then HHR's potential mechanical issues I really can't speak to, but if her problem was that she took the wrong off-ramp, her problem would have been solved if she would have just continued on the collector and followed the signs to re-join the freeway 100 yards ahead.

That's what the signs that read "Thru Traffic OK" mean you Highway A-hole.

And dude driving the cement mixer, get a grip already... according to your dispatcher's desk (yes, I called), you get paid by the hour. You should thank Ms. HHR for putting another $3 in your pocket.

AUGUST 11, 2007 @ 12:45 am – NB 405 Fwy at 101 Fwy Interchange

God damnit CalTrans!

You have a really cool and hourly updated website. For almost a decade it has been the trusted online source for scheduled freeway closures. These closures are usually for road work, lane re-striping, k-rail installation or removal, road survey work, etc. Anything to do with the scheduled maintenance of the statewide California Freeway System. Knowing where these closures are allows the California driver to plan alternate routes if necessary so they are as inconvienced as little as possible due to the closure.

So here's why you guys at CalTrans are Highway A-holes.

Your website located at http://www.dot.ca.gov/dist07/laneclosures/d7PClos.htm states that this morning at 1 am, the entire on and off-ramps for the 405 NB to 101 EB and SB ramps will be closed for k-rail removal and lane striping. No problem. For most of us that means getting to through the intersection closure before their public announced scheduled times.

But, someone on the scene in one of those fucking orange trucks for CalTrans decided to start the closures early, like more than 15 minutes early. At 12:45 am, all lanes for the 405 NB to the 101 interchange were closed way before their scheduled 1 am start time. Boy did this put a crink in the driving plans of every fucking motorist traveling NB through the area trying to get through BEFORE the closure started.

When you are a good driver and check the closures before you travel through an area that has an expected closure, yuo would expect CalTrans to honor their schedules and not create even more emotional commuter shit amongst the citizens of the highways.

AUGUST 1, 2007 @ 2:49 pm – NB 710 FWY to NB 405 Interchange

Some people just can seem to figure things out on the fly. When they can't, everyone else around them is fucking fried.

OK now try to follow along. It's going to get complicated for a bit.

There is a rather tricky intersection going from the 710 NB to the 405 NB in Long Beach. If involves merging into a double exit collector and then utilizing one of those circular off-ramp lanes to yet another set of merge lanes combining the NB 710 to NB 405 traffic with the 710 SB merging... all trying to get into NB 405 traffic. It sounds confusing I know, but if you have ever been in this interchange and done the described path, I'm sure you can relate to this A-hole story.

It's a 50 yd stretch of merging lanes that require cars and tractor trailers have to use for the double merge. To get from the collecting NB and SB 710 FWY, and the NB 405 merging traffic into the 710 ramps, you must negotiate this area in quick fashion. If you do this merge right no one is delayed and no one gets pissed. However, if you lolly-gag or try to force your way through and don't pay attention to the rest of the traffic trying to merge at the same time, you not only fuck yourself, but you fuck everyone else as well. This usually results in all traffic having to stop while the A-hole who caused the whole mess is allowed to safely and slowly merge, by himself, across the two lanes into the NB 405 entry lane as it approaches the Santa Fe Ave overpass. Most drivers are patient with this kind of bullshit. However, the tractor-trailer rigs are not so compassionate... to them time is money and waiting for an A-hole is something they refuse to do.

There she was - an Asian woman in her late 50's. Short cropped black hair wearing some kind of office dress-blouse. She looked like she could have been Korean but I'm not positive. She was puttering in a 1990 4 door silver Toyota Camry, last five license plate numbers DT110. I was 4 cars behind her. As she entered the merging lanes described above, she decided that traffic was moving way to fast for her to merge so decided to stop cold in the middle of the merging traffic. EVERYONE behind her came to a stop as well.

OK, no problem. She will be back on her way in a few seconds as traffic thins a bit. Nothing doing, she just sat there. Two minutes go by and she is still waiting for her chance to go. Traffic is now starting to back-up on the NB and SB 710 off-ramps. Big truck horns are now starting to toot.

Finally se starts to creep into the merge lanes towards the NB 405 on-ramp. As she slithers into the lanes, the other lane she was in opens up like a flood gate to let the rest of us pass her - of course on the right.

2 miles after I was able to get onto the NB 405, I suddenly see the silver Camry speeding up on me in my rear view mirror. She changes lanes and passes me on the left. She had to be going 70 mph plus. Wow, I guess she does have balls after all... that little A-hole bitch.